Okay – I have a confession to make: I’m not really a white belt. Not anymore. I’m not even 41, not since last December. But last May, when I signed my son and myself up for taekwondo at our local dojang, I was a 41 year-old white belt. So I know what it’s like to start martial arts later in life, right?
Well… sort of.
Currently, I’m preparing to test for my 7th gup (yellow belt w/ green stripe) rank in taekwondo. Again.
You see, I’m returning to tkd after a 10 year lapse. I’d begun my martial arts training in college, starting with bo jutsu, karate, t’ai chi…and taekwondo. By 1995, when health issues forced me out of the training I loved, I’d just earned my tkd blue belt. But when I returned to the my training last year, I started over so my son and I could train together. We’ve both attained our yellow belts and are hoping to test again in March of this year.
Despite my previous training, I’m very much a yellow belt, or at least I feel like one. In the beginning, lingering muscle memory from years ago did allow me to get through my 10th and 9th gups (white belt and yellow stripe) with barely a pause. Now I’m experiencing the frustration that only comes when you go back to something that was once easy for you — “but I used to be able to do that!”
When I first started taekwondo in the mid-1990′s, I fell madly and passionately in love. I knew that tkd and I would be be together forever. But it wasn’t meant to be…or it was and I just messed it up. I left tkd a year and a half later, for reasons that were complex and many, including severe health issues, an emotionally battering marriage, a difficult pregnancy, a special-needs child, a cross-country move and the loss of my dream job – the closure of the independant bookstore I helped manage. While my reasons for leaving were complicated, the reasons I returned were not.
Remember that special-needs child? My darling son (DS) has ADHD and “many autistic traits” (the evaluator’s way of saying that his autism wasn’t bad enough to qualify for special services). If there’s anything kids like him need, it’s structure, predictability, routine, and self-discipline. Everything martial arts provides in spades. Add in a drastic improvement in my health and the fact that I wanted an activity we could do as a family, I practically ran to the dojang, DS in tow. After our free lesson and some pleading on my son’s part (it didn’t take much, I’ll admit), I signed us both up on the spot.
It feels really good to train again, after so long. I’m still struggling to get my body to do what I want it to do and what I know it could once do. Some days (okay, a lot of days) I feel awkward, stiff and a little overwhelmed. There are days I start class by tripping over my own feet and the child in front of me. It’s taken a while, but my kicks are slowly returning to their former strength and I’ve recovered the snap to my poomse. Every class dislodges another layer of rust.
All of which means that you can recover lost ground. It means that – sometimes – it’s never too late for a second chance.
Tags: martial arts, second chance, taekwondo, training, white belt, yellow belt
