Perseverance

per.se.ver.ance n: steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
– Dictionary.com

Training for any martial art requires perseverance. There’s usually a rush of enthusiasm at the beginning: it’s all exciting and new. Your body can do things you never knew it could. When Dynamo first started, he practiced day and night. He wanted to be at the dojang every night; he ate, lived, breathed taekwondo. But as the days move into weeks, then months and the shiny newness wears off, things become more difficult. You become aware of the million and one things (it feels like) you’re doing wrong and your black belt seems so far away. It’s easy to get discouraged.

That’s when perseverance kicks in. I love martial arts. I love my training sessions. But there are some days it takes every ounce of willpower I’ve got to drag myself off of my desk chair and get to the dojang. I know I’ll be happy I did once I get there, but overcoming the mental inertia is sometimes very difficult. Then there’s the frustration factor of trying to learn techniques that feel awkward and uncomfortable at first. Dynamo’s dealing with that right now. He learned his first two forms without even trying, but our current one — Tae-geuk Ill Jahng — is giving him fits. Because it’s difficult, he’s decided he doesn’t like poomse. I have to keep pushing at him to get him to practice. For me, it’s tornado kicks. I keep stumbling over my own feet. I know I’ll I just need keep at it, but some days it feels like I’ll never get them.

Women in the martial arts often need another type of perseverance, as well. For many of us, just signing up for training can be a lesson in perseverance. Women face more obstacles than men do before they ever set foot on the mats. I’ve talked to many women who’ve quit because a husband or boyfriend didn’t want them to continue training; I faced this with my own ex. From outside the relationship, it’s very easy to say “I’d never let a man force me to quit.” From inside the relationship, it’s not that simple. My ex would make his objections sound like concern for my well-being and it can seem such a small sacrifice to keep peace in your home. Could you imagine a man saying “I can’t continue training — my wife doesn’t like it”? It could be the punchline of a joke. But for women trapped in an abusive relationship, the situation can be deadly serious.

Even in non-abusive situations, women often face opposition from well-meaning parents, partners, and/or friends. I once knew a woman whose husband would always try to schedule commitments on her training nights. He didn’t mean any harm and once he realized he was doing it, he stopped. But it can take a lot of perseverance to keep saying, “No, I can’t do it then, I have training” for the 5th, 10th, 100th time.

As women, we need to create our own support groups. We need to make a point of greeting new students, of saying “We’re glad you’re here.” We need to reach out and say, “yeah, that technique was hard for me when I first learned it, too.” Most of all, we need to give women time and control. Many women find even the idea of sparring frightening; we need to give them more time to ease into it.

But that’s a topic for another day.

Next post: Self-Control.

Tags: discouragement, five tenets, perseverance, relationships