self-con.trol n: control over one’s own impulses, emotions, or actions.
–Webster’s Dictionary
Okay, I admit it. Self-control is one of the main reasons I enrolled Dynamo in taekwondo. He’s struggled with self-control … well, basically since he’s been born. He tends to lash out in anger over the smallest things. I’ve talked to several men who’ve gone into martial arts for this reason – to help them learn to control their anger.
Anger isn’t just a man’s problem; women need to learn to control their anger, too. But too many times, women need a more literal definition of self-control: control of your self, your body. It’s no easy task for someone coming from an abusive background to feel like they own their own body. Just before I left him, my ex was telling me how I should wear my hair, what kind of clothes I should be wearing, etc. He wouldn’t come out directly and say it, but he would withdraw from me even more than usual if I wore something he didn’t approve of.
Survivors of sexual abuse – male or female – face even tougher challenges to owning their own bodies. It’s taken many years for me to feel like my body is actually part of me. To survive, I had to disconnect myself from my body, to see it as just a “thing”, in the same category as a lamp or the sheets on my bed. I firmly believe it’s been martial arts which has allowed to me reclaim my body for myself. To control my body, I need to be fully present in it. Plus, as I’ve learned to control my muscles, I’m beginning to feel like I’m truly the one in charge. I’ve learned to say “no” to unwanted touching. I’ve learned that I am capable of controlling myself.
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Tags: abuse, five tenets
Good topic on self-control. I do think that martial arts can help one realize they need self-control because it will be hard to be successful otherwise.
As for anger, I think this is more of the nature of the beast (you know humanity) argument – we get angry that things we cannot control in our lives… it takes more of a philosophical approach to deal with the things you can control and let everything else go… dwelling on the uncontrollable will not make it more controllable? Anyway that is my perspective that does work for me (admittedly I have to work at it some times)