I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but Dynamo has ADHD. And is borderline high-functioning autistic. As you can guess, he’s not an easy kid to raise. I used to think it was just my inexperience; he’s my first and only and I had very little contact with or interest in kids before him. But I’ve been getting to know Jay’s (rather large) family and Dynamo really sticks out; even if you didn’t know any of the kids there, you’d be able to peg Dynamo as “odd man out” within five seconds.
It’s not just his long hair (which doesn’t bother me) or his long, usually dirty, fingernails (which do). It’s the way he interacts with people. Or, rather, doesn’t. Which isn’t to say he isn’t friendly. He’s definitely an extrovert (in a family of major intraverts) and thoroughly enjoys begin around people. In fact, when we had him tested for autism, they told us that, while he fit the profile in the other categories, he had way too many social skills to qualify for special programs. *Sigh*. Note that “too many social skills to qualify” doesn’t equate to actually having social skills. At 12, he still needs to be reminded to look at people when talking to them, for example.
Probably the biggest problem has been the temper tantrums. If you’ve ever worked with autistic children, you know what I mean. I remember one day at the park when he was three and another mother complained “Jenna’s been so difficult today. I mean, she had a tantrum that lasted a whole hour!” It was all I could do to bite my tongue and keep from saying “I should be so lucky!” Dynamo’s tantrums at that age were constant and daily. The smallest things would set him off and his tantrums would last, on an average, three to four hours. That’s an average. Many went all day.
Transitions are difficult areas, too. When he was in preschool, they repainted his classroom over spring break. Despite the fact that the same teacher, same students and nothing in the room had been changed except the color, he refused to believe it was the same room and it took him two days before he would enter it. Even on the threshold of adolescence, he still has difficulty with change, though he’s a thousand times better about it now.
Enter taekwondo. It has been a godsend for helping him learn to control his own temper, with the emphasis on self-control and self-discipline. That, combined with couseling and Jay’s presence in his life, have drastically decreased the instances and daily of the tantrums from daily for hours to once or twice a month for less than an hour. I expected and hoped for that. What has surprised me, though, is how it’s helped him learn to deal with change. Between shifting class sizes and members, to the challenge of learning new forms and techniques with each belt progression, he’s become much more adept at handling new situations.
I think the stable framework and the rituals involved with martial arts help make the changes easier to handle. Consequently, he’s able to experience change in a stable environment and therefore change itself becomes less threatening, I believe. Plus the fact that everyone is being taught manners and appropriate behavior explicitly makes him feel less different. For once, he’s on the same page as everyone else. And the ritualized forms of greeting and address give him solid rules for how to interact with people.
He knows he always has to bow to a master or black belt the first time he greets them that day and that we always bow on entering and leaving and that you always say “Gam sa hom nee da” (“Thank you”) after a teaching session. No vaguarities, no exceptions he’s supposed to just be able to “osmosis”. It’s helped him in the world outside the dojang; if he’s unsure of what to do or say, he call fall back on “dojang manners” and treat the other people he’s dealing with as if they were black belts. The worst that happens to him when he does that is they chuckle and ask him if he’s taking karate.
