Note — this is an updated version of one of my earliest posts: Balance. I wasn’t really happy with the way that post came out and I’ve learned so much about blogging in the last six months, I thought I’d take another crack at it.
What is balance?
The dictionary defines ‘balance’ as:
bal.ance n. 1. a weighing apparatus with two scales or pans hanging from a crossbar. 2. the regulating apparatus of a clock. 3. an even distribution of weight or amount, a steady position or state. 4. the difference between credits and debits. 5. money remaining after payment of a debt. v. 1. consider by comparing. 2. to be or put or keep (a thing) in a state of balance. 3. to compare the debits and credits of (an account) in a state of balance and make the entry needed to equalize these, to have these equal.
– The Oxford American Dictionary
What does ‘balance’ mean to you? It means several different things to me. There’s physical balance, keeping our weight even, and emotional balance, noting our emotions without letting them overwhelm us. Each affects the other in amazing ways. I find that when I’m emotionally balanced, my physical balance improves. Conversely, as I work on my physical balance, my emotional balance improves, as well.
The “too busy” trap
Unfortunately, I’m not always (dare is say even “frequently”?) balanced. When I get busy or life becomes difficult for one reason or another, I tend to stop doing the very things that would help me through these difficulties and keep me balanced. “I’m just too busy — I can’t fit it into my schedule” or, more frequently when I’m really stressed, “It’s not on my [to do] list.” And that’s when all the areas of my life start to unravel.
That’s when I have to force myself to make time for balance. I mean, I know that if take the 5-15 minutes each day to meditate, draw, or do poomse, I’ll be better able to deal with the hard parts. I know I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed by them. Yet, more often than not, I find myself falling into the “too busy” trap. So I end up having to take an entire day out of a week instead of the 2 or so hours I would’ve needed if I had actually taken care of myself. What can you do?
Getting out without gnawing off your leg
For me, I have to find ways to force myself to take the time. My biggest self-care item is martial arts. I know that once I get to the dojang, I’ll feel better and be glad I went. Sometimes getting there is a challenge, though, especially on days where Dynamo’s at his dad’s; it’s so much easier to get motivated to go when you’ve got a child bouncing off the walls from too much pent-up energy.
Plus, just seeing someone else out on the mats makes me chomp at the bit to get out there myself. Recently I’ve been getting martial arts DVDs from Netflix. They’re great inspiration for me. The other motivator is my dojang tution. when I see the bill every month, I think “Well, since I’m paying for it, I should get my money’s worth.” Plus, by paying for something, I feel more obligated to follow through. My brain tells me that not only is the paid for activity okay, but that it’s actually required. It’s a way I get around the guilt feelings — the ‘guilties’ — that inevitably arise when I try to take downtime.
Overcoming the ‘guilties’
And that’s the core of the matter: guilt. I know I need the other activities (besides tae kwon do) that help me stay balanced: yoga, drawing, painting, t’ai chi and others. Yet, I still feel guilty for taking the time away from the mountain of work and the pile of “must do”s. Which is, of course, exactly when I need to do it the most.
Part of the guilt comes from the conditioning I received as a woman in our culture. Women are taught to take care of others first and only then, if there’s any time left over, we can tend to ourselves. Of course, there’s never any time left over. Kids and pets will always need our attention and care, housework is never completely done (by it’s very nature), and our SOs deserve our time and attention. It’s so easy to put these other needs first in our lives.
So I’m asking for advice. What do you do to keep yourself balanced and how do you overcome the guilties? How do you motivate yourself when you don’t think you can justify the time, expense, or what-not of your balancing activities?
Tags: balance, guilt, motivation
You said my blog often reflects your views too. Well, honey, I could have written this post myself! I know exactly what you mean. During the 7 months my husband was having his mid-life-crisis, I let my balance get way outta whack. I am going back to class on Aug. 27th when our next session starts. I am looking forward to it but also apprehensive…But mostly anxious in a good way. I will be reading comments to see what other women do to achieve that “balance” for which you and I both strive.
It’s really easy to get out of whack and so much harder to get back into it
. Have fun in class! I know for me that starting something back up after a lapse can be really tough.
I’m gonna go out there and say something that is kind of a no-no: maintaining balance requires a bit of selfishness (yep, I said THAT “s” word). You hit the nail on the head when you wrote about women (and especially moms) putting other people/things first. But the big catch is that it is nearly impossible to be there for any/everyone else if you’re not “there” for yourself. My family knows that heading to the dojo – and I now go three nights a week – is MY me time, just like my time in the gym. I’ll give up sleep if I hafta, but I’m going to train, dag nabit. The laundry, dusting, dinner and all the other stuff will just have to wait until I’m done; Because if I don’t take that time, I’m not a very nice person to live with. For my SO, there’s a line from a song by R&B singer Anthony Hamilton that says it all: “If you’re cool, then I’m cool and we’re cool!”
Being a martial artist is as much a part of who I am as anything else – be it career, family or whatever. But before my loved ones “got” that, I had to get that – I mean really, truly understand it – myself, and stop feeling guilty about it.
@Felicia –
I’m with you (though I’m the lone “dancer-not martial artist” on this blog)! And the word “selfish” needs so much to be redefined for women in our culture. It’s something I’m trying to do for myself.
Out of whack – out of balance. I get there when I don’t dance. I get there when I don’t take time to meditate. I get there when I get so stressed that taking my vitamins just doesn’t seem important (since those keep my arthritis at bay, that just makes me MORE out of whack… and then it’s harder to start taking them again, even though I know it will help – just like dance, training, yoga, meditation…)
Why is life balance so HARD?!