Does martial arts training help improve self-defense?

The posts’ author ignorantly states

PUNCH AND RUN! There, all the self defense you’ll ever need to know, for free.

I think most of us know it’s not that simple, especially for women. But it did leave me wondering — how well traditional martial arts training does prepare someone for an unprovoked attack? I’ve seen many arguments on both sides over the years, but since I’ve never been physically assaulted, I’ve no idea how well my training would help.

Granted, there are many ways martial arts helps self-defense in non-tangible ways, such as:

• Developing self-confidence. A woman with an air of self-confidence is less likely to be attacked.
• Removing the fear of getting hurt. This is one thing even sport sparring can help with. A fear of pain — especially unknown pain — can paralyze people much more than the actual blow itself.
• Realizing the fight’s not over. Through sparring, a woman can learn that the first punch isn’t the end of the fight. She learns that it doesn’t matter who punches first — only who gives up first counts.
• Learning how to land an effective strike. If a woman does decide to fight back, she’s frequently never been taught how to land an effective punch or kick. Most women (from my very limited experience) tend to pull their punches without realizing it, so they have very little actual hurting power.
• Getting over being afraid of hurting him. Surprisingly enough, I’ve spoken to several women in the past who didn’t fight back because they were afraid of hurting their attackers. It doesn’t matter that their attackers are already in the process of hurting them; from an early age, women are taught that hurting others — physically or emotionally — is tantamount to a mortal sin.

What about you guys who have been in real fights — did your marital arts training help? Have you ever been attacked for real and how did you survive it? Please share your experiences.

So many stereotypes have focused around women and talking. Girls are taught to play quietly, not to shout, not to raise their voices. Don’t speak up. Don’t raise your hand. Don’t interrupt.  Listen quietly. Your actions speak louder than words. And — especially — don’t ever speak out of turn with a man.

Why?

Because the voice of the minority is threatening. If women start talking, they’re likely to also start asking for things — help, respect, authority. If women start talking, then they can say the one word an abuser never wants to hear: NO!

The women’s movement began the process of helping women find their voices. It taught our mothers they had a right to talk, that the stereotypes of women talking too much were another means of social control. We have made progress in getting women’s voices heard: women are now heard in schools, governments, media. We listen to women professors, women diplomats, politicians, government officials.

And yet, the average woman will still stop talking if a man enters the room. An abused wife will keep silent about her torment. Girls still speak up in school much less than boys. Why? One simple reason — fear. As women, we’re taught to fear the power of our own voices. Interrupting a man can cause rejection by him. Speaking up in class can bring about isolation and bullying. Protesting abuse can bring further pain, even death. Yet, the very times we fear talking the most are the times when our voices are most critical.

In martial arts, we learn the power of voice. The ki-ap puts force behind our strikes. It serves as a focus for our power and it can signal our intent. For example, in TKD self-defense practice, the defender ki-aps to indicate she’s ready for the attacker to begin. Voice is used to warn, scare, inform. But a strong ki-ap is frequently one of the most difficult things for a woman just starting martial arts to learn. Our voices may not be as deep as our male counterparts, but they can be just as loud. With time and practice, most of us female martial artists learn this vital technique.

But we need to take our voices out of the dojang and into our daily lives. We need to learn to speak up during the times we may feel the most fear. Self-defense experts say the strongest weapon we have is our voice.  Sometimes, just speaking up can drive a would-be attacker away. Shouting “NO” can let others in the area know you need help. As strong voice can make a woman look less like a victim. Silence conveys acceptance, validation.

Even outside of life-or-death attacks, we still need to use our voice. If we don’t like the way a spouse is speaking to us, we need to say so. Yes, I know it’s much easier to say than to do. Fear kept me silent for nearly 10 years of an abusive marriage, so I do understand. But like an attack, speaking up can let your friends, family, neighbors know there’s something wrong. It can potentially bring help. Because even if an abuser never lays a violent hand on his partner,  abuse kills the soul.

Additionally, there’s one more way our voice can help: we can name abuse when we see it, especially for those we care about. It may seem strange, but often an abused partner doesn’t know she’s in an abusive relationship. Especially if the abuse is non-physical. Be specific — describe in detail instances of abuse you witnessed and why it was abusive. I doubt I would’ve left my ex if my heart-sister hadn’t told me repeatedly for months that my ex was verbally and emotionally abusive. Even after I left, her ability to name and recount my ex’s abusive behaviors kept me from going back.

Our voice is one of our most powerful tools. As women, we need to learn to use it, for ourselves and for those we love.

End of story, right?

It should be. But the Marriott claims the woman “was careless, negligent and ‘failed to exercise due care for her own safety and the safety of her children and proper use of her senses and facilities,’ ” according to the Stamford Advocate. You can read the full text of the article.

Regardless of whether or not the woman has a valid case against the Marriott, this article clearly shows one thing: women are often still seen as being culpable in their own assaults. And many people still wonder why rapes go unreported, especially since they can be reported “anonymously”. This article shows clearly that anonminity isn’t guaranteed. It’s a sad story, which makes me wonder if we’ve made any progress at all.

Authors: Jennifer Lawler & Laura Kamienski
Publisher: Wish Publishing

Buy from: Amazon

Don’t let the thiness of this book fool you. Training Women in the Martial Arts may be only 118 pages long, but it’s 118 pages packed with information and ideas. One of the authors, Jennifer Lawler, is a taekwondo and self-defense teacher, the other, Laura Kamienski, owns and operates a women-only martial arts school in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania where she teaches tae kwon do and self-defense. Both are skilled martial artists and instructors.

One thing I should state up front: this books is unabashedly feminist. Which doesn’t mean the authors hate men — they merely recongnize that women entering the martial arts may be dealing with issues their male counterparts don’t have. Many women who enter the martial arts do so after freeing themselves from an abusive situtation; becasue of this, the authors advocate women-only martial arts classes to help these women regain control of and a sense of empowerment in their own lives. Much of their advice can be adapted to mixed male and female classes.

The book is aimed at anyone — male or female — who teach martial arts to women. It describes the special circumstances/obstacles women may encounter as they begin studying a martial art and gives suggestions on ways to overcome them. These suggestions are valuable for teaching women any physical activity, not just martial arts. I loaned my copy to my bellydance teacher who said she found valuable information there for her students.

This is very much a book aimed at teachers. The average student, male or female, probably wouldn’t get a lot out of it. But if you’ve had trouble reaching a female student, particularly one who seems extremely nervous or afraid, this book could you give valuable insights to help your program.

Other Product Reviews

• Enell Sports Bra
• The Self-Defense Deck

When self-defense is address, it’s usually designed to prepare you to protect yourself from a stranger off the street. But that’s not where the real danger lies for most women. Far more women are hurt by a husband or partner than will ever be threatened by a stranger. One figure I read states that 1 in 3 women have been physically or sexually abused by their partner/spouse; that doesn’t even count the numbers of women suffering from non-physical abuse. When your husband / partner hits you, you know that’s abuse; non-physical abuse is much harder to identify.

I’ll address “red flags” — warning signs of non-physical abuse — in another post. Here I want to make a plea to all people who teach self-defense: please, please include some material in your classes on how to recognize when you or someone you love is in an abusive situation. If I’d had that knowledge, I wouldn’t have stayed in my marriage for ten years.

Of course, you’re not going to really be able to learn physical self-defense well from any written material. The techniques require practice and, in my opinion, should be taught by a qualified instructor. But I can see where this deck would be a valuable resource for someone teaching self-defense, effectively providing a series of “lesson plans”. I find the descriptions of the techniques clear and easy to follow.

I wouldn’t recommend this deck for learning physical self-defense. I’m finding it useful as a set of practice reminders; I can take one card a day and focus on that technique. Being cards, they’re sturdy and can be propped up in view for practice, something hard to do with a book.

Other Product Reviews:

• Enell Sports Bra
• Training Women in the Martial Arts

Luckily, I’ve never had to find out. But I did get something of an answer one day when Dynamo was a baby. We were in an outdoor food-court area at a theme park — one of those places that’s all concrete with metal tables and chairs. I was carrying Dynamo when I stumbled. I could feel myself falling and, as I fell, I automatically twisted my body to put myself between Dynamo and the ground. He landed safely on top of me with nothing more than a bit of a scare. I broke my toe (again), but it didn’t matter since my child was safe. It’s a vivid sensation I can still remember to this day, twelve years later.

I’ve heard so many similar stories from other parents. I’ve spoken with many, many moms who took abuse from their partners for years and couldn’t dig themselves out of it until the abuser turned on their children. I remember one mother in particular who said, “You can do anything you want to me, but don’t mess with my kids!” In other words — hurt me, if you must, but not my son! It can’t be purely biological (we wouldn’t have child abuse, if it was): I know Jay wouldn’t hesitate to give his own life to save Dynamo’s.

But I know I’m not going to be around forever. At some point, rapidly approaching, Dynamo has to take over the job of protecting himself. Heck, I’m not even with him most of the day and that’s just going to accelerate as he finishes middle school and enters high school, then college. The big question on my mind now is: what’s the best way to teach him self-defense?

My school actually addresses this issue, both in it’s student handbook and during RedMan Seminars. They’ve also has local police officers come in to talk about self-defense and the law. According to them, the whole “register your hands as lethal weapons” is patently untrue. I’d love to know how that idea even started in the first place.

All my sources state, in North Carolina at least, you have the right to defend yourself with only as much force as necessary to ensure your safety. If you use “excessive force”, you could be charged with a crime. How do you know if you’re using excessive force? The guidelines I’ve been given are:

1. You can only use as much force as necessary to make you safe.
2. You must be in a situation where you have no option but to act physically. If you could’ve run away, it’s no longer self-defense.
3. You must be protecting yourself from imminent harm.

Basically, you can only retaliate if you are currently in physical danger. You can’t attack someone because you believe they would’ve attacked you. Verbal abuse isn’t considered physical danger. Believe me, I know how scary and threatening verbal abuse can be; we’re talking legalities here, not real experience. I know it can seem like you’re trapped and have no other choice, but the law won’t see it that way unless you’re actually hit or physically restrained.

I still remember the first self-defense move I ever learned in martial arts. Our master called it “Hand Wallet to Mugger”. Unfortunately, if someone attacks a woman, they’re more likely to be after something other than her pocketbook.

More on that point later.